Mother's Day

I usually dont let my mind go to the places it has today, but being Mother's Day, it has been inevitable. Thinking about the mother that gave birth to Lila. Oh how I would give anything to know something of her. So many thoughts go thru my head, questions that will forever remain unanswered. If I had just a moment with her, I would tell her what a beautiful soul she gave life to. Let her know that she is happy and healthy. Thank her for choosing to not end her pregnancy, even though she knew she couldn't keep her. The list goes on and on. I know I will never see her face to face, but without her, my life would be so different. It is amazing how you can be so grateful to someone, without ever even knowing their name. The desire to be a mother was planted in my heart a long time ago. I have 4 beautiful children who I love more than life. I am so thankful to be able to have each one of them. They are each unique and special in their own way and I couldnt ask for anything more!

How do I forget.....

How do I forget the things I saw and experienced in China. The poverty and unsanitary conditions are horrid. The over-crowded streets and communitites are everywhere you turn. The smells and pollution make you long for home. Even thru all of this, what I remember most and what haunts me are the faces of those children we had to leave behind at the orphanage.







Precious beautiful children that by no fault of their own, were abandoned by someone at some age. My Lila was left on the day of her birth outside of a Broadcasting station on a cold November night. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it. She had no physical abnormality. She was a perfectly healthy baby. I pretty much have to force myself not to think about it or I would go crazy. To think that this was the only option her parents had is unfathomable. There are 60 plus orphanages in Jiangxi province alone. There are I believe 31 provinces in China. That equals a lot of orphaned children. I know we have been so fortunate with Lila. She is thriving just from having the love of a family. Sure we have our ups and downs, but it is truly amazing how far she has come in 3 months. The point of this post is to say this. How can I forget? Truth is I can't forget and quite frankly I don't want to forget. I am simply heartbroken. Heartbroken for the ones we saw and for the thousands and millions more we will never see. It puts things in perspective. She has helped me to appreciate the simple things in life we take for granted. The things that no amount of money can buy. I can do with less to love more. I never in my wildest dreams imagined having four kids. I am pretty much exhausted and half crazy most of the time. All I know is that God is good and I am blessed. I don't know what the future holds, but for now I am clinging to these two passsages of scripture, John 14:18-I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you, and Psalm 68:5-A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. This gives me comfort to know that even though I can't save the world, the creator of the world is the one who loves the orphan and will supply their needs in more ways that I can even imagine!

One year ago today...

One year ago today, we sent our Letter of Intent to adopt Fu YaoE from China. We fell in love with this picture. A beautiful little girl with the saddest eyes. I could see thru the sadness into her soul and I knew she was my daughter.



This is her today!


She is a happy, healthy 6 year old who has been a part of our family for 2.5 months. She has already brought us so much joy. Her smile can light up the room. Her laugh is infectous and she is full of love. I honestly wouldn't change a thing about her or our journey. She is a beautiful gift from God and I am so thankful to be her mother!

Welcome to your family!

This was Lyla when we met her in January on our Orphanage visit





This is Lyla today with her forever mommy!





Welcome to your family sweet girl. Your smile melted my heart when I saw you. It was an honor to meet you and I know you will be so happy at your new home!

Catching up

Ok, so I really miss blogging but quite honestly things aren't very exciting around here right now. Oh we are always busy but we are still just getting used to having a fourth child. One that came with a big personality and a very independant mind of her own. We are having fun. Lila is really doing remarkably well. She is thriving in preschool. She is very smart. It seems all the knowledge is there, she just has to get it transferred over to a whole new language. That is the one thing that seems to be taking longer than I expected. She is picking up a few words here and there and calls us all by name, but everything else is slow going. She enjoys saying the word no, not really in a bad way, just not at the right time. She can count clearly to 5, spell and write her name and attempt her ABC's. I can't thank her preschool teachers enough. Ms. Jan and Ms. BeBe have been so wonderful with her. They have made her transition so smoothe and I am very grateful for that. I was really concerned how she would do, but I couldn't have asked for anything better. She enjoys music and picks up the motions really fast. The scariest unknown for us was not knowing the degree of her diagnosis of Developmental Delay. We were ok with it, but were hoping for the best. Let me just say that we have been totally in awe of the fact that she appears totally normal. One of the hardest parts of this journey is checking off a list of "special needs" that you think you can handle. God completely opened my mind to things that maybe wouldn't be my first choice, but I knew with his help we could handle it. We have been so blessed to have another healthy beautiful child added to our family. She has been a joy to us and to so many others already! Unfortunately, she will be having a tonsillectomy on March,23. I said I would never put another of my kids thru this after Kaylee's experience but it is inevitable. She has monstrous tonsils that affect her breathing. The doctor said if they were to get infected, she would have very little room left in her throat. Hopefully this will help her at night get better rest. I am dreading it already though! Guess that's all for now. Maybe I will get my camera back out soon and also post about Hong Kong Disneyland. Can't believe I haven't done that yet!

Remember me?

Hello again my friends! Yes, I know it's been a while. It's harder to find the time or the energy to write these days, now that "real life" has begun. We have been home 2 weeks today. In some ways it seems like yesterday when we got off that plane, but in other ways it seems like forever ago. Slowly but surely we are settling back in and seeing glimpses of our "new normal". I'll be honest, there have been times when I really miss my "old normal". There are other times when I enjoy the new. There are a few things that I have found to be 100% true all the time with four kids:
-Someone is always hungry
-There are always more clothes that are dirty than are clean
-My house is not as tidy as I would like it to be
-There is not enough of me to be everything everyone needs all the time
I have been physically tired, but I think now the mental exhaustion is the hardest. It's frustrating not having the laundry done, knowing the house is a mess and not having the energy to clean it up and knowing I have to choose which child needs the most attention at any given moment. I know once we get into a new routine these things will get easier.
As far as how Lila is doing, I really think things are going as good as they can. The language barrier has been hard. She is understanding some things we say, but not offering to say much in English. When we were in China, she never really communicated with anyone. She mostly just laughed and made sounds which of course we didn't understand. Since we have been home, she has actually started talking in more understandable Chinese, if that makes sense. We still don't know what she is saying, but we recognize that she is speaking in Mandarin. Lynn had some fun with her tonight. He was on a website that said phrases in Mandarin and she was repeating what it would say and seemed to understand it. We had quite a few laughs with it. As aggravating as it is sometimes not knowing what she needs or wants, I know we will miss the sound of her speaking in her language when she switches to English.
I think for now, this is all I've got. Maybe soon I can write about some of the many things I have filed away in my head to revisit later. Right now, I am focused on helping her find her place in our family and making sure she is having her needs met. The scripture that pretty much gets me thru the day right now is Lamentations 3:22-23-

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness

I am so thankful his mercies are new each day. No matter how many times I mess up today, and sometimes it's a lot, I can begin tomorrow with a clean slate. Thru it all, He has been faithful and He always will be, even when I don't deserve it!

Lila's Homecoming

Thanks to my sweet sister for this!
(Pause music at bottom)